badbanana: What's the scientific name for the fear of TMZ someday finding Titanic-era charcoal sketches of a nude Larry King?

badbanana: @nprscottsimon It needs a cranky bachelor neighbor character to drop by for laughs.

badbanana: Happy birthday to Carrot Top. Most of him turns 45 today.

badbanana: I bet these modern bobsleds have a lot of cup holders.

badbanana: One door closes, another opens. Unless they're Dutch doors. Then we're talking half door increments and the math confuses me.

badbanana: Joining my Facebook page is a strike against time-traveling cloned Stalin falcons (don't ask, just know it's a problem). http:..

badbanana: Tuesday afternoons no longer excite me.

badbanana: A Texas woman found a snake head in a bag of green beans. Meaning someone will be finding a bean in their bag of snake heads.

badbanana: The one day each year where I don't lie about chopping down cherry trees. As far as you know.

badbanana: Kevin Smith's new movie looks awful. I think I'd rather watch a movie directed by Southwest Airlines.

badbanana: Alice in Wonderland is rated PG due in part to 'a smoking caterpillar.' I, for one, am so sick of movies glamorizing caterpill..

badbanana: I like the Olympics so much I'm putting five rings on it.

badbanana: Rejected Winter Olympic sport: The 17-clown bobsled.

badbanana: Coffee. Robe. Newspaper. Slippers. Loyal dog. What else should I steal before my neighbors wake up?

badbanana: Joining my Facebook fan page is a guilty pleasure. Like secretly flipping off ugly babies. is.gd/...

badbanana: Those who haven't had sex with porn stars on piles of money earned by children in sweatshops may cast the first stone.

badbanana: Leo DiCaprio only accepts serious roles in serious films. The future reward will be his own 'Meet the Fockers' franchise.

badbanana: Time to shoot off fireworks. It's the Fourth of July somewhere.

badbanana: This meeting is going way too long with no sign of a lunch break. Glad I'm still wearing edible underwear.

badbanana: @kayhanley Leno: Tells stupid joke, looks to Kay Hanley for approval. Hanley: Silent stare. GOOD LORD YES, I'D WATCH THAT!